i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Girls should come with a carfax report
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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