I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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