It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
