This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
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They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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