I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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