Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
