btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize