Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
