Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
