FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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