I'm so fucking centered right now
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
