Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
