saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
