No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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