if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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