how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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