you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
