This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
