I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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