Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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