walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All I want is dick and wine.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
