my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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