Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
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So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize