I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
