god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
