I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
