tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just found a bag of teeth...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
