After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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