I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
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I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
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Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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