I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
