oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
