I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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