haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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