You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
