went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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