hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
