So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
