Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
