she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
