Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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