I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
