If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
