is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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