sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
