I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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