operation harelip BJ is a go
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
