fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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