i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You need a sexual gate keeper
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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