and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
