Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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