To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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