I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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