we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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