how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
