Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
