You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
