I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You're like the curious george of whores
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
