The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
