Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
