Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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